Little Monsters (2019)

SEPTEMBER 3, 2020

GENRE: COMEDIC, ZOMBIE
SOURCE: STREAMING (HULU)

I just finished making fun of the existence of yet another horror movie called Spiral that is coming (not the Saw sequel, nor is it a remake of Adam Green's or the two (2) Asian horror movies that go by that moniker in the US), and now I'm back here to write up Little Monsters, which is NOT the Fred Savage comedy but a very R rated zom-com, co-starring Josh Gad from Frozen, the Disney one, not (again!) Adam Green's Frozen. You know, there are over 160,000 words in the English language, so it seems this shouldn't happen so often, especially when you consider all the movies using made up words like Shakma or feardotcom or eXistenZ. Spread the wealth! It's so obnoxious to have to include a disclaimer every time you mention a movie title, especially nowadays since many people are so goddamn ignorant that even the year won't help much (and in this new Spiral's case, it's one of two this year anyway).

Anyway, THIS Little Monsters is a pretty fun zom-com that benefited from a somewhat misleading trailer that focused entirely on Lupita Nyong'O's character, a kindergarten teacher named Miss Caroline who had to protect her class from a horde of zombies during a field trip to a petting zoo. And it makes sense - not only does she rule, but she was also one of the main stars of Black Panther, i.e. one of the most successful films of all time, and the star of Us, which would lure in the horror crowds that made that film such a hit. But she's actually the co-lead and doesn't even really enter the story for a bit - she has a co-protagonist in the form of Dave (Alexander England), a typical go-nowhere slacker who is now living on his sister's couch after breaking up with his girlfriend. Will this crisis have him learn to be a man and care about others?

It's not the most original role in the world, of course, but it was continually surprising to see how big of a presence he was in the movie considering that he is barely glimpsed in the trailer, coming off as some random dude who was just adding to the problems of sole lead Miss Caroline. Even though the movie starts from his perspective (had I not seen Lupita's credit, I might have thought I was watching the wrong movie) I kept thinking he was going to be offed early on so that she could take over as the lone hero, but no! I won't spoil his fate here, but he is certainly around for far more of the movie than the trailer made it appear, making the movie more suspenseful to me had the trailer been a little more balanced, or if I had simply never seen it at all since, as mentioned, he's the one we start the story with anyway.

But the real appeal is how damn funny it is, but with heart and a lot of great payoffs that make it a journey worth taking as a whole as opposed to something that generates a few empty laughs and little else. The film's R rating is mostly earned through profanity, and you can call me childish or stupid or whatever, but I don't care: adults using the F-word around or even at children will never not be funny to me. When Gad shows up as a lame children's performer named Teddy McGiggle, you know it's only a matter of time before he's revealed to be a child-hating asshole, but even though it's a bit of a cliche at this point, there's something about friggin Olaf suggesting eating a child or letting a disabled one be used as bait that made me chuckle or even downright guffaw every time. And England's character is too laid back to care about things like tact, so he will call another child a douchebag and then explain what a douchebag actually is to his five year old nephew.

(Side note: I honestly think this is the first movie I've seen that bothers to explain the term.)

The joke would wear thin after a while though, and thus I'm happy to report that the script isn't just a springboard for a bunch of unnecessary gags strung together to reach a runtime. The payoffs aren't exactly on the level of Shaun of the Dead, but they're in that kind of ballpark where nearly everything that gets set up early on has a payoff later. There's one kid who just keeps asking when they can play mini golf, even as zombies swarm around them - and he finally gets his wish near the end, using a little putter to whack zombies as they make their escape. The nephew dresses as Darth Vader and keeps trying to use the force, making it a wonderful little moment when he finally does (you'll see). Even the music selections have payoffs; knowing the lyrics to (of all things) "Shake It Off" helps sell a sight gag, and in turn, the introduction of an affinity for Taylor Swift yields another joke later about a different Taylor. It's just really well constructed, which more than makes up for the slightly stock character beats (does Gad's character selfishly lock another character out of a vehicle and leave him to die, even though the zombies are far enough away for there to be no threat? You bet!).

As for the zombie action, it's fine. They're slow zombies, thankfully (though fast ones seem to exist in this world as well; the characters refreshingly seem to be aware of the concept of zombies, which speeds things along), and given the remote locale there's a manageable number of them, so we're spared ugly CGI hordes. They cheat a big moment where Lupita takes on a bunch (cutting past it to her being covered in blood), but otherwise there's about as much as I expected - it's a comedy with kids at the center, so only a total moron would expect Romero levels of carnage. Basically, if you watch this for an "R rated zombie movie", you'll be disappointed - if you watch it for the "R rated comedy" that it actually is, you'll find there's a respectable amount of undead violence as a sort of bonus. Furthermore, except for Gad's selfish actions, there are no evil humans or anything like that - the threat is always coming from the zombies, nothing else. That always wins points with me.

I do wish they had shown the parents a little earlier though. These are five year olds who get trapped during a school trip, but it's not until it's already their bedtime (which is around six hours past the end of a school day), nearly an hour into the movie, that they cut to the worried adults, held outside by the military who has contained the area. First off, they're pretty chill considering the age of their kids (also, only the kindergarten parents are shown; other kids are there and aren't so lucky - where are THEIR parents?), but it was a distracting question for me for longer than necessary. A quick scene of them arriving at school to pick them up for the day and finding that they hadn't returned would have helped matters.

But that's just me getting into dad mode - seven years ago I wouldn't have thought twice about it, I suspect. The real draw of the movie are the jokes (I'm still laughing at a few choice bits of profanity, as well as the opening montage showing how toxic Dave and his girlfriend's relationship was) and the sweetness of how Lupita keeps the kids safe and calm. It's kind of like those bits in Life is Beautiful where Benigni hides the true nature of the situation from his son, except for a whole movie (telling them it's a game, telling them the blood is jam, etc). AND it makes the annoying "Shake it Off" (I love folklore for the record; I'm no hater) endearing, so it's got that going for it.

What say you?

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